The Real Mother’s Day Guide: What Moms Actually Want (and What They Definitely Don’t)

We asked moms of all kinds, and the answers were refreshingly honest. Here's your no-guesswork guide to making Mother's Day genuinely special this year.

Want a full unfiltered conversation? We covered all of this and so much more in our latest podcast episode (here) including what moms from all walks of life really had to say when we asked them point blank:

✓ The top 5 things moms actually want

1. To be left alone — seriously: Ask any mom what she wants on Mother's Day, and without missing a beat she'll say the same thing: peace and quiet. Some time with family sounds lovely in theory, but what every mom is quietly craving is a stretch of the day where nobody needs anything from her. Bonus points for booking her a spa day, a hotel night, or a fun outing with her girlfriends, you can do it, we believe in you!

2. A clean kitchen after breakfast in bed (but really only if she's a breakfast type of woman, otherwise skip all together):
Breakfast in bed is a sweet gesture but please just make sure the kitchen looks like nothing happened when you're done. Walking into a disaster zone first thing in the morning is the fastest way to undo all your good intentions. Also brunch is not fun if you have to cut every one else's pancakes.

3. A fully planned day from start to finish: If you're planning a family outing, actually plan it. That means sunscreen, packed snacks, water, and yes reservations made well in advance. State parks, restaurants, wineries, everything requires a reservation these days. Taking care of all the details is how you show you care.

4. Something built or fixed around the house aka make her Pinterest dreams come true!: Nothing says "I see you" like finally tackling that growing list of home repairs. Think small maintenance tasks that are too minor for a contractor but have been sitting on the mental to do list forever. If you're not handy, hire someone she will appreciate the effort either way. Extra points for figuring out what she needs without having to ask. And if the kids are little? A handmade card or a fill-in-the-blank "All About Mom" questionnaire is pure gold. (Fair warning: her favorite hobby might come back as "cleaning.") side note, ask your favorite Realtor (like me) for a referral for someone to get this done, chances are good, I've got someone.

5. A full, guilt free pause from all the invisible work: Moms carry an enormous amount of invisible mental load every single day. On Mother's Day, the greatest gift you can give is a complete break from all of it, no sibling refereeing, no planning, no responsibilities. She'd also love some sparkly jewelry and heartfelt words of appreciation, but according to our poll? She'll gladly trade it all for one uninterrupted day off. Want to be the kind of person she can't stop bragging about to her friends? Plan a family photo session would be absolutely amazing! Like really, plan it, hire the photographer, have the complimentary colored outfits for everyone planned, the location all of it. Kids grown? How about a reenactment of your favorite family photo. Extra Extra bonus points for framing and hanging said photo in a location of her choosing once the final results are in! Even if it's not exactly what she envisioned, she will treasure it. Again, we believe in you, you CAN do this!

✗ The top 5 things moms don't want

1. No random knickknacks and miscellaneous clutter: Call it whatever you want but seriously no trinkets, tchotchkes, chingadares, novelty items, or random "stuff" that looks thoughtful but will quietly be relocated to a donation bag or a junk drawer. Seriously, we really don't want it. We appreciate the love but we do not need more things to find a home for. However, cute things kids make at school are not the same as the afore mentioned junk, that stuff's cute and thoughtful and if it can fit in a small memory box we will love that forever.

2. Dead flowers left on the counter: Flowers are genuinely lovely. But when they start to turn, please throw them away before we have to. One more small task is still one more task. Bonus points, if you buy flowers and half start to go south and the other half are good a second bouquet of rearranged flowers with the ones that still have some remaining life to them is a nice touch but then please with all that is good in the world throw it all away before it smells like a breeze off a landfill and attracts gnats.

3. A kitchen that looks like a grenade went off (or any other room in the house for that matter): If you made a meal or a snack clean up like it never happened. Full stop.

4. A plan that isn't actually a plan: Winging it is not a love language. Mother's Day is a full, busy day and showing up without a structure isn't spontaneous, it's stressful. A solid plan is a sign of effort. Make one.

5. Lazy or generic gifts: Kitchen appliances, off brand jewelry, or that sweater with the summer heat on the horizon doesn't land save your money and time, she doesn't want it. Mother's Day calls for something intentional.
You've got this and if you don't have a clue look at what she does every day, what she wears, where she goes and get her something to compliment that.

You've got this and if you don't have a clue look at what she does every day, what she wears, where she goes and get her something to compliment that.